Romance

This article was submitted byJill Davey - Counsellors and Practitioners of Reconnective Healing and The Reconnection

Here are some more effective ways to keep romance alive: 

•  Take a look at yourself: Are you difficult to prise out of your tracksuit? Have you put on so much weight you no longer fit into your silky underwear and sexy split skirts? Ask yourself what you need to feel happy and start giving it to yourself. If you want to be thinner, start dieting and exercising. If you want more love, love yourself, and so on. 

•  Appreciate him: If men feel loved, wanted, needed and accepted, they'll give more time and attention to the women in their lives. Men hate criticism and usually respond by sulking or getting angry. Instead of yelping: "You're hurting me, you clumsy idiot!", try: "It really turns me on much more when you touch my breasts softly." 

•  Stroke his ego: Men's egos in the sexual arena are more fragile than many women's. Massaging his ego is important. If a woman constantly avoids lovemaking, he feels rejected and emasculated. Praise him even if you have to lie a little about his penis being the biggest you've ever seen. It costs you nothing, and keeps him feeling loving towards you. 

•  Send him a saucy SMS: Send him a text message along the lines of: "Hve I told U l8tly that I luv u?", "Roses r red, violets r blue, did u know that I love u? Guess who!", or – more to the point: "Roses r red, let's get into bed!" 

•  Silk stalkings: We all know women can wear silky lingerie to enhance lovemaking, but men can enjoy wearing sensuous material as well. Get him to put on a pair of silky boxer shorts and caress him while he's wearing them. The effect of the silk moving on the skin can be explosive. 

•  Soap him up: Slip into the shower with him and massage him with soap. Start at his thighs and rub in firm circles over his legs, buttocks, chest and back. Use the slippery suds to touch him in a very intimate way, then ask him to do the same for you. 

•  Peel the layers: Instead of starting sex naked, wear several layers of clothes, gradually removing them as the action progresses. Try wearing no panties for a wonderful surprise at the end of your tantalising foreplay! 

•  Make a love pact: Decide you won't have intercourse until you've had at least half an hour (or longer) of teasing foreplay. If you get close to climaxing, pause, allow the immediate feeling to die down and then start again. This "bringing to the boil and then simmering" technique can drive you mad for each other. 

•  Play "I like it when...": Take turns telling each other what you like about your lovemaking. Remember, no criticism allowed. Alternatively, write lists of what you enjoy, and then exchange them. This game can help you both celebrate the joys of your personal sex life, putting you back in touch with what attracted you to each other in the first place. 

•  Diarise a date: If you're rushed off your feet with work or children, get your diaries out and book a "sex date" once a week for the next six weeks. Make sure you'll be private and uninterrupted. Set the scene with candles, soft music and a glass of wine. If you haven't made love for a long time, just get used to each other's bodies through touching and caressing. 

•  Keep passion alive: Take time over lovemaking; vary it with different ways, places and times. Be unpredictable. Understand your body as well as his, and ask him for what you enjoy. You can add spice to your sex life by sharing or acting out each other's fantasies, wearing sexy clothes, undressing each other, playing sexual games and giving each other a sensual massage. 

•  Wine and dine him: Delight him with a superbly cooked, candle-lit dinner for two and dress beautifully for the occasion. Remember, the older a woman is, the better she looks by candlelight! 

•  Surprise him: Give him an unexpected present you know he'll love. Choose a book of love poems or sonnets, and read some to each other. 

•  Set the scene: Ring the changes in your bedroom. Do you feel like sex on the beach, but live miles away from Durban? Buy a CD of sea sounds and place shells or pebbles around the room. Try scattering rose petal confetti around, or using more pot plants to simulate a jungle environment. 

•  Tuck in: Cover each other in whipped cream or chocolate in strategic places and enjoy licking it off slowly. 

•  Make the time: Keep romance alive with your man by talking about what really matters, being supportive and spending fun time together. True romance involves tiny, attentive touches that show thoughtfulness, consideration and sensitivity on your part. 

•  Follow instructions: Read a sex manual together. 

•  Good vibrations: If you don't own a vibrator, you don't know what you're missing! Sex toys are great fun and put women back in control of their sexuality. A vibrator can be a lifeline for women who have problems reaching orgasm. 

•  Accentuate your assets: The better you look, the more confident you'll feel. To boost your ego and enjoy more attention from your partner, pamper yourself in every way. Treat yourself to a new hair-do, new clothes and new underwear. 

•  Make love to his mind: Spending time listening and sharing his concerns, being there for him during the bad times as well as the good. Men also need to feel special and loved by the woman in their life. 

•  Explore him: Take an intimate journey around his body. Kiss and stroke his back and shoulders. Lightly touch him everywhere, avoiding his penis studiously until you can see he's fully aroused. 

•  Tell him you love him: In a romantic relationship, saying "I love you" is important every day – not just on Valentine's Day.